


Room 269

by oipep



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: An expansion on the Undertale universe, Gen, Sans backstory, basically putting together a bunch of theories i have about UT that ive spent way too much time on, more than anything i guess, the lives and times of sans the skeleton
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-15 06:36:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5775370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oipep/pseuds/oipep
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"hm. do you believe in god, frisk?"</p><p>Frisk looked up at the small skeleton from their coloring book with wide eyes. A few moments of uncomfortable silence passed. It looked like Sans was about to make a joke of the question when Frisk opened their mouth to speak.</p><p>"Yeah," they began, returning back to their haphazard coloring. "But I don't call them that."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Which Alphys Regrets Answering the Door

Alphys stared at the garbage can through the legs of her desk, feeling her heart racing. Trembling underneath various lab furnishings wasn't exactly an uncommon situation for her, but normally it was reserved for past noon. At least. But this morning has been exceptionally unpleasant so far. She squeezed her eyes shut and managed to ignore the thumping in her chest for around two minutes before lurching towards the can and rummaging around in it. Feeling the crumbled piece of paper in her claws, she slowly withdrew it and shakily unfolded it. Alphys blinked in confusion.

It was just a bunch of symbols. Why had she freaked out so badly? When she first noticed the letter on resting on her desk (how had it even gotten there?) and tore it open, she swore she had been able to read it. Alphys recalled an intense fear, mixed with shame. The sort of shame that someone feels when an embarrassing secret gets out. But now... Her stomach dropped and her eyes scanned the letter once more, but it was still a few short lines of gibberish.

"Well, I, heh, suppose it's about time I start losing my mind," said Alphys, crumpling the note once again and tossing it onto her desk to join the already haphazard pile. When the lab doorbell rang, she almost jumped out her skin. She stood frozen, staring at the door.

_I wonder how long I'll have to wait before they go away._

It rang again. Alphys was debating getting under the desk again when the screen next to her caught her eye. Scratching a scaly cheek in embarrassment at forgetting its existence, she turned it on and checked the feed from the camera positioned above the entrance. The screen blinked onto an image of a small skeleton, hands in his pocket. As if on cue, Sans raised his head to look at the camera and grinned a little wider.

He was perhaps the last monster Alphys wanted to see at the moment. But there was no way out of it, there he was, staring straight at her, er, the camera, and with the way he always seemed to know things, she was sure he knew that she was watching him. With a nervous breath, she shuffled to the door and pressed a few buttons to open it.

"heya Alphys," said Sans, taking a step inside.

"...Hi... Sans. What's, uh... up?" said Alphys. Sans was looking around the room with a bemused expression. Well, maybe bemusement. It was always hard to tell with him. "It's been a... while... since you've been here."

"yeah sorry about that. undyne's been working me to the bone with this new sentry position."

He did look tired. He even seemed to be sweating a little bit. Sans turned to look at her when she didn't reply and she started.

"O-oh! Yes, she's, er, told me a bit about that... How's..um.. your brother?"

"he's actually great. he's been practicing his cooking everyday like a champ. i'm betting that his next batch of spaghetti could even outmatch undyne's."

Alphys was about to admit that that wouldn't be very difficult to do when she caught the glint in his eye. Ah, he was joking. Of course. Alyphs laughed nervously. "That's good to hear."

Sans began to lazily walk around the lab.

"well, i just came by to ask a favor," said Sans. He was about to reach the desk when he stopped and turned to her. "my old office is still somewhere around here right? you haven't cleared it out or anything yet?"

Alphys was too busy staring at how close Sans' elbow was to the crumpled letter to respond.

Sans cleared his throat.

"Huh?! Ah, er, yes, of course. Though.... the lab is going under some.... renovations at the moment... is there something I can grab from it for you?"

"yeah, i just remembered i left a book there a long time ago. i can just head down if that's cool-"

"NO! Um, I mean, it's fine, I can just run down and grab it for you."

Sans studied her for a second. "you alright, alphys?"

"I, I, yes, I.. I'm fine! I just..." Alphys struggled for the words and gave up with a sigh. "I've just had a weird morning."

For whatever reason, Sans perked up at that. He looked almost hopeful. "is that so? like what kind of weird?"

"I just ... being Royal Scientist... my mind, er, well, I'm pretty scatter-brained lately."

"hm. do you ever get, uh, dizzy sometimes?"

Alphys thought about it for a second and shook her head. "No, I'd said just... forgetful." Why was she even telling him this? It had been at least a year since the two had spoken. Or was it two? Oh jeez. First the letter and now... An idea struck her.

"A-actually, Sans, I have a quick question," said Alphys.

She scurried past a silent Sans over to her desk and rummaged around, in the process subtly knocking the wadded letter back into the trashcan. Finally finding a pencil and piece of paper, she scribbled for a few moments, tongue sticking out in concentration. She straightened up, clutched the paper nervously to her chest, and turned back towards Sans.

"I was doing some research the other day and I, uh, came across these symbols, and I thought maybe you might know what they are, because, er, well you know..." Alphys trailed off before lowering the paper so Sans could see.

"oh, uh, sure thing," said Sans, standing on his toes to get a better look. Alphys watched his face carefully. If it was him who sent the letter, hopefully she could tell. She didn't expect his eyes to go black.

"huh. hey, where exactly have you seen this before, alphys?"

Even Alphys could tell the calmness in his voice was forced. She immediately clutched the paper back to her chest and took a step backward. Sans was looking at her wearily, though the pinpricks of his pupils were back.

"Nowhere! Actually, nevermind, I think I just found them online somewhere and got mistaken! Forget it!"

When Sans looked like he was about to object, Alphys scrambled through her brain for a diversion.

"What book was it you said you needed! I'll go get it now!"

"... well... it was 'an extensive history of time' i think. but i really need to know-"

"Right! Be right back!" Alphys said, scrambling backwards.

She disappeared down the hall and into a hallway. Not even a second later, her head peeked  
around the corner. "Ah, uh, make yourself at home. Okrightbye."

She descended the staircase at the end of the hall as fast as she could, anxious to get the book and get Sans out of the lab as fast as possible. Doors lined the hallway and as she scurried past them, she had a brief memory of the halls being filled with monsters, shoving past each other, laughing loudly, papers scattering around, the smell of coffee in the air.

_But that was a long time ago._

Before she knew it, she was in front of the door of Room 66. The door had a square patch of lighter colored wood, where Alphys knew a small plaque used to rest. She was lost in her memories as she scanned her finger to unlock the door.

Reclining casually in the musty office chair was Sans.

"heya again, alphys. i think we really do need to talk."

It took a few moments for Alphys' stomach to rise back out of the ground.

"How, I, you were just-"

"look alphys. i know it's been a long time since we've talked. i... er should have probably checked up on you some. sorry 'bout that, but i have some questions that i need you to answer."

When Alphys didn't reply, Sans just closed his eyes and leaned further back in his chair.

“where’d you see those symbols?”

Alphys was slowly backing out of the door. She really needed Sans to get out of the lab. If an amalgamate showed up now…

“welp. guess it can’t be helped,” said Sans, raising a lazy arm out of his pocket. A blue glow surrounded it and Alphys felt herself being lifted up. With a meep of surprise, she was set on the old striped couch shoved in the corner. Sans leaned forward and the chair’s front legs connected back to the floor with a loud thwap.

Not really sure what else to do at this point, Alphys began to sob. Sans’ eyes widened in surprise.

“ah, jeez, alphys, i’m not going to hurt you or anything, i just…”

Alphys’ cries were growing louder. She vaguely realized that she felt snot running down her face. Mew Mew Kissy Cutie didn’t have to look ugly when she cried. She also didn’t have to deal with any mind-crippling guilt or anxiety on a daily basis. Alphys hid her face in her lab coat sleeves and sunk down into the couch. She felt the compression of the cushion as Sans sat next to her.

“look, i’m sorry, i shouldn’t have used my magic on you like that-”

Alphys’ head shot up. “I didn’t even know you could use your magic like that, S-Sans! In f-fact, I don’t know anything about you! Not really! I w-w-w-worked with you for years and I couldn’t even tell someone what school you went to! Or why you suddenly quit! A-and you, you, you,” Alphys stuttered. Sans had now scooted as far away from her on the couch as possible. “You just waltz in here and, and act like I owe it to you to tell you things!”

The room was silent for several minutes, only interrupted by the sounds of Alphys’ occasional sniffling.

“new home u.”

Alphys raised her head again and stared at Sans. He was grinning nervously.

“uh, new home university. where i went to school. i majored in physics for my undergrad. and uh, i had a minor in theoretical magics. got my doctorate in magichanical engineering”

“...Oh. Ok.”

Once again, the room was quiet.

“and… i er, resigned ‘cause i felt me and pap needed a change of scenery. i had heard that snowdin had some pretty ‘ice’ weather… thought it was would be a good place to chill before i had a meltdown or something.”

To the obvious relief of Sans, Alphys giggled. She rubbed the last few tears from her eyes.

“A-alright. I know there’s more to it, but we all need our, er, secrets I guess.” She took a deep breathe. “I just… I found a letter this morning on my desk this morning. I don’t know where it came from. When I first read it, or at least, I thought I read it… um… basically, when I looked again, it was all just gibberish symbols. I think I’m losing it.”

“huh. do you think i could check it out?”

“Er… I mean… maybe. W-why? Do you know what those symbols mean?”

Sans face didn’t change. “yeah. i think so.”

“Well…. I guess… I could go grab it…”

Alphys hefted herself out of the confines of the deteriorating couch. A wave of dizziness hit her suddenly.

“Whoa,” said Alphys, said clutching the couch arm for support.

“what’s the matter?” Sans said. He suddenly gripped the couch for support too. A look of realization crossed his face and he grabbed his forehead. “oh shit. ooooh shit.”

Suddenly he grabbed Alphys shoulders and forced her to look him in the eyes. Boy. he sure was sweating a lot, thought Alphys mildly, how does that even work…

“alphys! i need you to tell me what the note said! we don’t have time!”

“I… uh…. what?” The world seemed to be growing black at the edges. Maybe this was a sign that she needed to change her diet if she was resorting to fainting episodes.

What, like instant noodles don’t provide all the nutrition I need? She thought sarcastically. She could hear a faint voice in the background.

She heard a final, frustrated “fuck” as the world warped into darkness.

 

 

(*...)

 

  

It sure is lucky, Papyrus thought cheerfully as he splattered a tomato with his fist, that Sans has such an incredible brother such as him. He probably would have died of starvation by now without Papyrus’ blossoming cooking skills. Or of misnutrition. Wait, was that a word?

“Well, it’s a word now!!” shouted Papyrus, pummeling another tomato.

Soon the paste was mashed enough to be added to the bowl of already-cold spaghetti sitting in bowls on the table.

“Spaghetti for breakfast!! Truly one of the last good things in the world. That and racecars. Although Undyne is pretty cool too... Probably catching a human feels pretty neat.“

Papyrus was staring at the bowls of pasta in concentration as he continued creating a masterlist of “good” things in his head when he heard Sans’ bedroom door swing open forcefully. The thudding that followed probably mean Sans was hurrying down the stairs. Hold up. Sans? Hurrying? Papyrus ran out to the living room in worry.

“paps!” said Sans, seeing his brother and obviously a little out of breathe. “bro! what day is it?”

“It’s Tuesday!! Why?!”

But Sans was staring at his hands, counting something on his fingers. “did i say whether i was gunna visit Alphys recently?”

“Hmm… I think you mentioned something about stopping by the lab yesterday! Why? You know if you didn’t sleep so much and worked more, you’d be able to keep track of this stuff!!”

Sans ignored him. “did i mention what book… i… uh….” His brow furrowed in frustration. “a book…? no, wait a letter? augh! damn it!”

Sans threw himself on the couch face-first.

Papyrus was used to these odd outbursts by now. He would have to step up his brother-ing skills. Sitting next to Sans on the couch, he patted the smaller skeleton’s back.

“There, there. Even I, being as awesome as I am, lose track of things sometimes too! In fact, the other day, I-”

The small sounds of Sans snoring interrupted him. Papyrus sighed in exasperation and left to go put Sans’ breakfast pasta in the fridge.


	2. In Which Frisk Works on Being Better

Rain pounded on the windows of the bar, punctuated by the squeaking of glass on cloth as Grillby wiped off the last of the dirty glasses. The bar had been closed for some time now, but Grillby felt no rush to kick out the last patron in his dim restaurant. Although, it was strange that he wasn't at his normal seat at the bar, but hidden away in a booth instead. Grillby set the glass down and walked around the side of the counter.

Sans was crouched over the table, screwdrivers and wires strewn across the surface. He was picking apart the insides of what appeared to be his cellphone, a serious look of concentration on his face. Curious, Grillby slid into the opposite seat. Sans glanced up.

“oh, hey grillby. sorry about the mess,” he said, sheepishly. “i’ll make sure to clean it all up.”  
  
Grillby glanced at the gutted device and back at Sans.

“this? i’m just adding some, er, features.”  
  
“...”  
  
“well, if you insist on knowing, i’m trying to get it to play videos. those sentry shifts are a little too long for me to get through on willpower alone. there’s only so much snow a guy can watch fall before he loses it.”

Grillby leaned back in the chair and Sans went back to tinkering. A minute of silence passed, although Sans kept glancing up at Grillby’s, obviously a little uncomfortable at being watched while working.

“............papyrus?” said Grillby.  
  
“huh? oh. yeah he’s at home. that’s why i’m here. needed somewhere, er, relatively quiet to work. papyrus while he’s training is a little rambunctious.”  
  
The fire monster glanced up at the clock. It was almost 2 in the morning. Sans must have saw him look because he turned around to see it also.  
  
“oh jeez. sorry. i didn’t even realize the time,” said Sans, starting to gather up his materials. Grillby held up a hand and shook his head, not meaning to rush his most frequent visitor. Sans settled back down.

“.....................the human?”  
  
Sans slowly straightened up. His tired grin grew a little more cautious.

“yeah, they’re at the house too. they’ve taken a liking to papyrus, which isn’t too surprising. he’s great. but...i’m not too sure about that little weirdo. ”  
  
Grillby cocked his head.  
  
“eh… well. i’m saying this in confidence, but something is… off. like they’re trying way too hard to act happy. or even… sometimes… it’s like they’re trying to feel _anything_ ,”  Sans studied Grillby’s face and apparently saw enough encouragement to continue. “i mean, every once in awhile i’ll catch them when no one is looking and they’ll just have this creepy, blank expression on their face. 

Crossing his arm, Grillby thought for a moment before nodding once. Sans seemed relieved.  
  
“well, i’m glad i’m not the only one. i was starting to get a little _bonely_.”  
  
Grillby got up to leave.  
  
“hey! come on! it wasn’t that bad.”

  


(*...)

  


Frisk managed to make it all the way to Waterfall before they realized what they had done. They raised a shaking hand and stared at the dust that covered it. With a cry, they fell to the ground and began scrubbing it off in the grass. They scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed until their hands were pink and raw but a few shining particles could be still seen on their palms. Frisk slowed down and eventually laid on their back in the dewey vegetation, letting their face go blank. They’d have to reset again… Sans would be mad. They always hated the look he gave them in the palace hall, when they failed, yet again, to not hurt anyone. He just didn’t understand how hard it was not to.

Frisk idly dug their nails into the dirt, feeling the mud squish through their fingers. When was the last time they felt really determined? Maybe it was when they had first stopped to listen to the glowing flowers that whispered some hopeful words. They had never known the flowers could do that. Frisk morbidly wondered if it had something to do with not having accidentally killed all of Waterfall’s residents this timeline. And their other experiences with talking flowers had been… unpleasant, to say the least.

But at least Frisk understood Flowey now, a little bit. The frustration, the fear, even the boredom. How many times had Flowey reset? How many times had _they_ reset? Fifty at least. Admittedly, Frisk didn’t really recall the first few runs too well. They had shoved those memories into a deep, deep place, probably somewhere near where the voice lived.

Frisk heard a shuffling sound behind them and in a second they were on their feet, pointed ballet shoes in their hands. A small creature stumbled out of the grass and tripped onto their face. Frisk stifled a relieved sigh and hid the shoes behind their back. Monster Kid recovered quickly and was soon by their side.

“Hey!! There you are!” The kid stomped around happily. “Guess who I saw just a minute ago! No! Don’t guess, I’ll just tell you! It was Undyne!”

Frisk gave them a nervous smile. Now they really needed to reset soon; no use letting Undyne discover what Frisk had done… their mind wandered as Monster Kid rambled on, oblivious to the one-sidedness of the conversation.

**In the way.**

Frisk took a step towards him.

“H-hey. What’s with that creepy face?”

With a start, Frisk realized they were holding the shoes in front of them. The smile they didn’t know they had been wearing dropped.

“Sorry, I gotta go,” whispered Frisk. They squeezed their eyes shut and turned around, darting off into the tall grass. Ignoring Monster Kid's surprised shouts, Frisk exhaled and reset.

 

 

(*.......)

 

 

It was pretty late by the time Sans got home, 3 AM at least. Frisk was coloring in the kitchen, but they heard the door open and close quietly. They set down their crayons and listened to Sans’ footsteps as he walked to the kitchen, probably curious about why the light was on. Had he known they resetted the other day? Maybe he would be mad. Frisk felt their heartbeat in their throat and they pushed away from the table, ready to dart. 

A tense second later, Sans was leaning on the doorframe, eyes glancing from the spooked child’s face to the handful of crayons they were clutching. His face betrayed no emotion, just his usual empty grin. 

“hey kid. what’re you still doing up? _art_ you tired?” 

Noticing he didn't seem mad, Frisk smiled and relaxed in the chair.  
  
“I couldn’t sleep.”  
  
“ah, been there before. well, don’t let me disturb your artistic process. i’m just gunna make some coffee.” 

A memory from a time very, very different than now flashed in Frisk’s mind. Deciding to go with it, Frisk took a deep breathe.

“Hey, Sans?”  
  
“yeah, kid?” said Sans, measuring out some coffee grounds.  
  
“What do you call a cow who's just given birth?”

“er. what.”

“De-calf-inated.”

Sans paused midway from reaching for a mug. He turned and looked at Frisk, who was fidgeting nervously. His grin grew wide and he let out a scratchy laugh.

“wow, i don’t think i’ve ever heard you make a joke before. nice one.”  
  
He turned back around and waited for the coffee to finish brewing while Frisk watched his back, feeling a little better. When the time dinged, he poured himself a cup and took a deep draught, obviously oblivious to the fact it was steaming hot. When he had chugged about half, he topped it off again and settled down on one of the chairs. Frisk couldn’t hide their surprise; usually the skeleton avoided alone time with them.

“mind if i join you?” said Sans, setting his mug on the table.

“I, uh... sure, if you w-want,” stammered Frisk. Sans eyed one of Frisk’s scrap pieces of papers before lazily reaching for a blank one. He picked up a crayon and began to scratch at the paper. After a moment of watching him, Frisk returned to their drawing of an angel. An angel-mermaid to be exact. They were quite proud of it. And for perhaps the first time, a companionable silence surrounded them.

Eventually, Frisk risked a peek at Sans’ drawing. It looked like a… bird? A lizard?  Maybe. It could have honestly been anything. He wasn’t very good at this, but Frisk wasn’t about to ruin the moment.

“That’s a nice… lizard, Sans.” 

He glanced up. “thanks. it’s a dragon.”

“Oh.”

Sans set down the crayon and looked over at Frisk’s paper.

“hey, that’s actually pretty good. is that what humans look like when they grow up?”  
  
Frisk couldn’t tell if he was joking ( _nothing new there,_ they thought) but laughed anyways. “No, she’s an angel.”

“an angel huh? we’ve got angels down here too, ya know. a lot of the older monsters like to talk about them.”

Frowning, Frisk looked down at their paper. “Yeah… Gerson told me about them when-... a while ago. For humans, they mean something different, I think.”  
  
“oh yeah? what’s that?”

Frisk thought for a moment. “Um, they’re always good guys for one. Supposedly, they help out God. Give messages to people... save kids from being run over by cars. Stuff like that.”

Sans was quiet for a long time and eventually Frisk picked up a green crayon to finish shading in the mermaid tail.

"hm. do you believe in god, frisk?"

Frisk looked up at the small skeleton from their coloring book with wide eyes. A few moments of uncomfortable silence passed. It looked like Sans was ready to make a joke of the question when Frisk opened their mouth to speak.

"Yeah," they began, returning back to their haphazard coloring. "But I don't call them that."

“....huh. me neither.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully you've realized by now that the events aren't in order. I figured it would go with the whole time-doesn't-make-any-sense theme I've got going, plus it's sort of how the actual game goes, where you sort of have to piece together events. Anyways, I'll probably post the 3rd chapter tonight too. I've got quite a bit written already, I've just got to pace myself haha...
> 
> In other news, the update sort of confirmed a bunch of theories I (and this fic) had, so hooray!


	3. In Which Sans Really Freaks Himself Out

Accepting the position of the Royal Scientist, Sans thought offhandedly as he filled out what was probably the quadrillionth form that day, was the worst decision he had ever made. Although, at least part of it was Papyrus’ fault. He had encouraged/berated Sans endlessly when he let on that Asgore offered him the job, enough so that he eventually just accepted it, if anything to stop Papyrus’ nagging.

It still felt wrong though, taking over after what had happened. Sans had been as much at fault for the experiment’s failure as anyone. He shoved the thought out of his brain. No use working himself up into a funk when he had another billion forms to fill out. He got into a steady rhythm eventually, glancing over the paragraphs, signing, stamping, writing small calculation corrections.

 _this is all pointless you know._ Sans sighed out loud at the thought and tried to reread the sentence he was on. A minute passed. _you know the world is going to end soon. seriously, what’s the point of doing this._

“ _probably_ going to end,” San corrected himself outloud. “only probably.”

His office clock ticked in the quiet room.

“wow, well thanks brain. really appreciate it,” huffed Sans, pushing himself away from the desk. “now i won’t get anything else done today. nicely done.”

He decided to talk a walk, maybe go check up on the Core’s thermal readings or talk to a few of the new interns. Tossing around a few pun ideas in his head, he barely noticed as his feet carried him in the opposite direction of the central monitoring room. Probably habit.

 _welp, no helping it now._ _i guess i just like sticking my head in the lion’s mouth._  

A large silver door stood before him. Sans walked over to a closeby podium and drew a few quick symbols on the screen. The door’s mechanics clicked and whirred as it opened.

The room inside was covered in screens and a large desk was in the center, covered in buttons and levers. Sans took his normal spot on the metal chair and began flipping on switches. Blue light spilled over him as the screens clicked into life around him.

His attention was on one of the smaller screens in the corner. As it started loading the graphs, Sans found himself clutching the edges of the chair. Maybe this time it would be different.

Two lines materialized on the screen, with readings and numbers surrounding them. Sans watched the second line intensely, looking for movement. A minute passed and nothing. The smallest spark of hope ignited in Sans’ chest and he started to pull a small notepad out of his lab coat pocket when- _yeah. there it was._

The line began twitching and soon it was shooting up and down erratically, like the heartbeat of a dying monster. Sans had ran the calculations over and over and over but he knew it only meant one thing. This timeline was expiring.

He closed his eyes and wondered whether Mettaton was going to be playing a rerun tonight. Meh, probably. It wasn’t long till he was dozing off.

The sound of a phone buzzing reverberated around the room, jolting Sans awake.

“wha,” He said, rubbing the drool of his face and digging in his pocket for his cellphone. A flashing screen caught his eye before he could fish it out and he squinted over at it, annoyed.

INCOMING CALL

_ah so it wasn’t my cell. wait… was someone… calling the lab? i didn’t even know we installed that function._

The screen flashed again, this time with more text.

INCOMING CALL - SANS CELL

Frowning and now fully awake, Sans grabbed his phone and checked the screen. Nothing. Maybe this was some sort of prank. He pressed the button that corresponded with that screen and waited for the mystery caller to speak.

“uh. yo,” echoed around the room. “sans? this is uh. sans.”

Sans was silent. Suddenly, he jammed the button again, ending the call. There was no mistaking the voice. Maybe it was a distorter ? Or a recording. Heart racing, he was about to leave the room and deal with this when he wasn’t running on 2 hours of sleep when the screen started flashing again.

INCOMING CALL- SANS CELL

He felt the ringing noise echo in his head for a few minutes before he hesitantly answered again.

“oh good. i thought that maybe i had blown you up or something. or, i guess blown… me up. who knows what would have happened. time is weird. anyways, don’t hang up again dude.”

 _alright, enough, i haven’t had enough coffee for this_. “is this alphys? or the guys in fluid systems? real funny. except not. being funny is my job.”

He heard the voice laugh. “yikes, sans 2.0 is a little spicey. no, i guarantee 100% this is not a prank.” 

“right well. explain or i’m hanging up again.” Sans couldn’t filter out the doubt in his voice. The caller’s voice admittedly sounded like him, but different. Sort of like how he used to talk in college or something. Or when he was goofing off with Papyrus. He shook his head because obviously, him talking to himself was theoretically impossible.

The voice began again. “alright, well, ill give it the old 1, 2. basically. i scrapped our machine for some parts and some parts of the old lab and had some of alphys’ help and maybe used a little determination extract-”

“you did… what?”

“heh… er… yeah i know. determination experiments haven’t really been our best bet in the past. or at least i’m guessing. it’s a little fuzzy, there’s nuance to this stuff. anyways, long story short, i modified my cellphone and... i guess it works?”

“i. that’s. there’s.. i. ok. prove to me you’re sans. say something only i would know.”  
  
“oh jeez sans. i’m not sure if that’s our best bet. there’s so much bleed-over and my memory hasn’t been the greatest lately, with the anomaly fucking up everything at least once a week.”  
  
When Sans didn’t respond, the voice sighed. “alright fine, lets see. do you remember meriweather? from chem 101? remember how after the final we went over to burgerpants’ place and we-" 

“ok! got it! you’re sans. i believe you.”

He almost swore he heard the grinning through phone’s static.

“heh. classic sans. anyways, i guess the point of this was to ask you a few questions. first of all… uh, what… exactly is happening in your life?”  
  
“er, well,” Sans was still reeling but he somehow managed to answer. “i’m at work.”  
  
“work? what, like grillby’s? at a sentry station? hotdog stand?" 

“what? no. why would i be working at a hotdog stand? i’m at the lab. are you implying you’re _not_ at the lab?”   
  
“nah man. i’m in snowdin. _chillin_ like a villian, so on and so forth.”  
Why would he be all the way in Snowdin? He hated the cold. And where was Papyrus? There were so many questions barraging Sans’ mind that he decided to scrap them. 

“right… still, you’re acting awfully casual about this. have you talked to… uh. other sans before?”

It was quiet on the other end for a second.  
  
“nah, this is the first time i’ve gotten it to work. honestly it’s a little hard to believe this is happening. and i’m not even sure if there are other sans-es. well there might be. i don’t know. i think if there is, they aren’t doing so good. that’s why i called you. you’re the only one who hasn’t been stuck in a permanent time loop thing. you know how it goes.”  
  
“....right....well i’m afraid you’re a little out of luck on this end. this timeline is kaput.”

“..........what?”

Sans glanced over at the wavering line on the screen.  
  
“long story. i’m actually not even sure how long it’ll last, so you better get your questions out.”  
  
“i, uh, ok, right, well. i guess my second question is... what do you know… about someone named, uh… gaster?”  
  
The room suddenly shook. Sans lurched forward and caught himself on the panel. It was over before Sans could even process what happened.  
“shit, what happened over there? it sounded like, an earthquake or something.”

For reasons unknown, Sans decided to lie.  
  
“sorry, i, uh, spilled my coffee on the speaker,” said Sans. “i don’t know of any gaster. i’ve never even heard the name before.”

And he hadn't. At least... he didn't think so. Whoever, or whatever, Gaster was, obviously wasn't good for his already precarious reality.

“... i see.” said Sans-in-Snowdin, disappointment coloring his voice. “well, last question since my phone is dying. i’m not really sure this thing was meant to handle space-time manipulation. do you still have the old timeline monitor?”

“yeah, i’m looking at it right now. why?”  
  
“what’s the readings on it?”  
  
Sans squinted at the numbers on the screen.  
  
“let’s see... list([1,2,25,268,269]), time-space coordinates 237.2345, 3.4001, 698.7432, 2355.0000, href=”no_t.gcf” with a res of 0.6... what exactly do you want me to read? there’s a lot of data here.”  
  
“no, no, keep going, i’m writing all this down.”  
  
Frowning, Sans walked around the desk to get closer to the screen and continued reading the report out loud. After he finished, he paused to let Sans-in-Snowdin finish copying it down.

“wow, ok, thanks for that. also, what’s the timeline image readout doing?”  
  
“well. there’s only two distinct lines right now.”  
  
“huh? wait, are you sure? that makes no sense! all my calculations… there should be hundreds. can you try like, zooming out?”  
  
“you know it doesn’t even do that,” said Sans, annoyed. “it looks like your calculations are off.”  
  
Sans-in-Snowdin laughed. “well wouldn’t be the first time... for both of us. but----thanks for all your help sans 2.0. really. i thi--- you might have just uh, saved us here. this timeline i mean. i’m n--- sure if----s any consolation--------”

He was breaking up, badly. An idea struck Sans.  
  
“hey! you know, we should have a codeword. so if we talk again, or something goes unexpectedly in the timeline, so we know one of us is, er, legit.”

“---eah? any idea---?”  
  
He thought for a minute and grinned.  
  
“how about ‘i’m a stupid doo-doo butt.”  
  
He heard the crackling of laughter through the speaker.

“also...yeah. it does make this a little easier. thanks,” said Sans. The screen had turned off, the other Sans probably hadn’t heard him. Oh, well. He seemed to be on top of things. Sans flipped the lab power switches and darkness soon surrounded.  
  
He paused at the door on the way out. “welp. good luck i guess.”

 

(*......)

 

“... did you… just say…. ‘I’m the legendary fartmaster?’” 

Frisk stood in the yellow light pouring from the windows of the palace hall feeling like a fool.

“...that’s, uh, really childish. why would you think that was a secret secret codeword? whoever told you that was a dirty liar.”

“Sans...”

“what?  i don’t even have a secret secret codeword..” Sans paused. “however, I do have a secret secret triple-secret-”

“Sans!” whined Frisk.

Sans just grinned at them. “don’t worry. you already said it. here’s the key to my room. it’s time you learned the truth…” He trailed off as he saw Frisk turn around and dart off. They didn’t bother to check the keychain, knowing it was already attached. Although, no matter how many times they had done this, they never knew how he slipped it on without them noticing. They even paid close attention this time… oh well. They had a job to do.

Frisk heard an annoyed “ya know, you could at least _pretend_ to play along sometimes…” as they burst through the heavy palace doors.

The journey back to Snowdin felt like an eternity, even with the ferry. Frisk stared at their reflection in the water as it whooshed past, pretending like they hadn’t heard the ferryman’s mysterious quips hundreds of times before. When they finally arrived, they hopped off the boat into the snow with a quick thanks to the cloaked figure. Frisk struggled to keep a normal pace the rest of the walk to Papyrus and Sans’ house; they really had to work on not acting strange. After all, if everything went right, this might be the last timeline that everyone remembered. 

A short run later, they were swinging opening the door and scrambling up the stair to Sans’ room. They jammed the key into the keyhole and clumsily unlocked it. Frisk took a breath and ran into the dark room. Maybe this time he didn’t…

Frisk ran to where they figured the light switch was. And ran. And kept running. They let out a deep sigh of frustration and stopped running. Suddenly they were lurched backwards and they rolled onto the carpet. The lights flicked on.

“Sans! Have you seen my… oh, hello human! Er, what are you doing on the floor?” said Papyrus. Frisk didn’t respond but the whir of the running treadmill must have gave him a little insight into the situation.

“Wait a sec… did Sans just prank you across space and time? I hate when he does that!” said Papyrus. Frisk heaved themselves up and started rummaging through Sans’ drawer.

“I mean, how immature can you get? Er… what are you doing in Sans’ dresser?” Papyrus sounded a little embarrassed. Frisk ignored him again and finally found the little silver key. They dashed past a surprised Papyrus, down the stairs, and out the front door. Around the house was the door to the basement, which Frisk unlocked with they key and hurried inside.


End file.
